Life

Friends graduating and looking for jobs, completed their one phase of life and moving on to the next. Though I am 1 year from graduation, I am feeling lost moving on to the working world. I started to question myself about the meaning of life. What is it exactly? Why are we struggling to survive in this world, in the battle of survival of the fittest. So at the end of the day in our deathbed, what did I achieve. I am reaching the 1/4 of my life and felt that I have achieved nothing. A feeling of emptiness. Looking through facebook and though interaction with some of my colleagues overseas, some of them 'seem' to find their aim in life. So what's mine? Sloughing through tuitions and work assignments to coaching sessions do earn me some cash but am I happy? I doubt so, though I am glad to have mel by my side. I am not feeling purposeful. Looking at my dive master and the photographer in the recent phuket trip, they are pursued their passion and am now doing things that they enjoyed, or at least that is how it seems to me. 

I was sharing with mel how one works so hard for a year just for a short 2 weeks (not even 2 for some) of retreat to somewhere. Very much that I will like to pursue my passion for travelling, I am not able to do it due to a magnitude of reasons. But are they excuses for me not to fulfill my calling in life. I want to break free. Many a times, the fear of falling prevents me from achieving that. Why am I saving so hard right now, should I not be enjoying my uni life? ( looking back, I achieved zero sense of achievement in NUS, absolutely. Perhaps results is the only consolation, though that is not my priority anymore) I am always pulled back to the reality and practicality of life. Am I able to break free of that? and in doing that, will I not be  fair to mel and my family. I have friends who went to pursue their passion, earning meagre pay. May be able to self sustain but definitely not so in supporting the family in any way. 

I am still searching.... for my calling in life. I found it the last time, and I let it go. I want to do greater things. I want to be remembered by people around me. I want to leave a legacy to people that I have impacted. How to? Still searching. Need to spend more time to reflect (which I do not have the luxury of. Then again, it is me who decides to max out my time table).

Gotta hit the books soon. Am penning this down so that I can do some reflections after my exams.